Becoming a mom...

This has been a hard week here at WJU. We found out Monday afternoon that one of our students died. This student went on our New Orleans trip last year for spring break and he was such a sweet, hard working guy. He was pretty quite at first which made me want to get to know him all the more. I would talk to him any chance I got and I think he probably thought I was a crazy lady at first.

I remember one day we had a bunch of black soot and debris on the floor from the ceiling that had been riped down and I looked at him and said, "Come on lets race to see who can get the most cleared off the floor!" And off we both went and within seconds I slipped and fell flat on my butt!!! He laughed so hard as he helped me off the floor!

He started dating one of the other women that was on the trip, who is equally as sweet as he was. I was so excited to find out after we returned home from the trip that they were dating.

This week I cannot stop thinking about her and the grief and loss she is experiencing. I spoke with her briefly Monday night. Tomorrow is the viewing and Friday the funeral service. Every time I find myself in silence I think about him and his girlfriend. Then I start thinking about his parents and even his girlfriends parents.

I can't help but think about how devastating it must be to see your daughter grieving her boyfriend or to feel the depth of pain of loosing your adult child. Then I feel Norah kick and I think that she is safe inside of me and although I am so excited to meet her and hold her I'm scared to have her out because I know I will never be able to keep her wholly safe. I also recognize she is not wholly safe inside either because anything could go wrong.

I know that I can't continue thinking about all of this or I will feel crazy, but my grief for our student is pretty intense right now and my emotions are hard to put to the side. I also think about how this all challenges my faith. I think I am learning to put more and more faith and trust in God. I do not like cliche answers and statements that seem to fly out when a death occurs, especially when it is someone who is young. As I have worked with many Hospice patients and their families and seen the struggle of those comments that they have had to field, I now experience that frustration myself and do not have the answers even though I desire and have worked in a field of death and dying. When it hits you personally it is very difficult. However, I do feel closer with God and that I want to understand the depth of who He is and His love.

I know Norah will have pain and grief in her life and I just keep thinking about how I will respond to her as her mother and how it might be harder for me to see her that way than it is for her.

I remember the day my first niece was born. I loved her so much instantly. I can't imagine how I will feel when I am holding Norah for the first time.

I also need to say that I am loving Joshua more and more through all of this. I love seeing his excitement for Norah to come and even how he is with our students during this difficult week we are experiencing.

I know this post is all over the place, but I just had to express some of what was going on inside of me this week.

I'm getting kicked!

Norah has been quite active lately! We went to a restaurant today to watch the Brown's game and I was leaning forward over the table and she kicked so hard that I sat quickly back from the table because she kicked right at the part of my stomach that was touching the table! It was such a weird feeling.

She kicked later tonight and I had to shift positions in my chair. It's just a strange feeling, but so fun at the same time.

I will be 30 weeks on Wednesday! I can't believe how fast it all seems to be going now. We feel ready in the sense that if Norah came earlier we could sustain her in this world with what we have set up in the apartment, but it will just be a big change and I do not know how to prepare for that. I guess I can't, but I "prepare" in my own way and do anything that I can control.

We just got our diaper bag this weekend so we are going to be packing it this week! You never know! :)

We started our birthing classes last Tuesday and have four more Tuesday night sessions to go! Last week our instructor walked us through the whole process from when contractions start to when the baby is born. It was great! I'm definitely an information gatherer, so these classes are helpful for me. I'm looking forward to the hospital tour so I can see exactly where we will be and all the machines, tools and other things that might come into play during the labor.

Another interesting thing that we just learned is that our doctor likes to be standing when he delivers babies, so they crank my bed into the air at his level of standing to deliver the baby. Now, this raises a concern for me being that we Elek's are short and I fear that I will need to yell down to Josh to let him know how I am doing! We have an appointment on Friday with the doctor, so we will be looking into our options! :)

So, that's an update for now about Norah and all that's been going on!

I cooked dinner!

We also reorganized our kitchen a little to make room for baby stuff and I cooked dinner last night for some friends! I had this great dinner at my friend's bachelorette party last week and I got the recipe.

Josh typically cooks, well cooks all the time, but I can make something every once in awhile. (It's actually wonderful to have a husband who cooks!!! I'm sure I do not appreciate him enough for it.)

I woke up at 7:45am and prepped the meal so that I could get some work done during the day. I couldn't wait to eat it later because it is so good. It is Chicken and broccoli stuffed shells with an Alfredo sauce. Here is a picture of it in my favorite purple casserole dish that I got for our wedding over a year ago and am using for the first time because we have a full kitchen now!