Hard times...

I have had what some would call a "heavy heart" lately. In my daily routine I have been hearing others life stories, situations and just their general everyday happenings. A lot of them break my heart. I have cried often and have not known how to respond other than crying and saying I'm sorry.

It just amazes me what some people live through in their lifetime. My worst nightmares are people's realities and I feel so bad. I think I feel bad because in some regards our time in Chicago has been hard for us. I think I have had the harder time and Josh is learning to cope with me day in and day out. I know he would disagree with that, but that's because he is a nice person. It has made me feel very thankful for him in so many ways. I have been feeling lately that I do not deserve to have such a wonderful husband. I know one of these days things will be better, but that's a hard concept to wrap your mind around in the middle of circumstances.

With that said, my situation pales to others. We have very supportive and loving family and friends who help us in so many different ways. We know we will never be able to return their kindness in the same capacity, which is difficult to grasp, but hopefully we can be creative and help them out in other ways down the road.

I think we have a lot to be thankful for and we have been very thankful. I think this time of year causes a lot of emotions, some good and some sad, and I am grateful for my interactions with people and their willingness to share hard things with me. My prayer list might be long but it's worth it in the end. It's a small way to extend my help when I am not able to physically be present with them.

Hopefully this all makes sense, I'm fighting too many tears to go back and proofread! ;)