Breastfeeding

****Warning: If this topic makes you uncomfortable I apologize and you can stop reading. ****

I feel like I will talk about this topic for the rest of my life because it is a daily conversation with my husband, who thankfully can tolerate my endless questioning and guessing. I go up and down about it all day long as far as liking it and not liking it. I can understand why women do not want to stick with it for too long and I also realize that people have very strong opinions about it and are usually not shy about letting you know through verbal or nonverbal communication. One person said to me, and they were someone I do not know all that well, "Are you breastfeeding?" I said, "Well, I am pumping and giving her bottles." She replied, "Well, I guess she is getting the important part, but she is not getting to bond with mommy." I'm not even going to address how frustrating that is...

I think part of the reason I struggled with it so much in the beginning was because we traveled for 20 days after Norah was only 12 days old. We only get one really big break from campus, so we choose to still travel to see our friends and families, but it was physically exhausting for me in the end. I am glad that we did because everyone got to spend a lot of time with Norah, but in the future we will probably stay at home for the first month of the babies life. I am just now taking naps when Norah does and I love it! I felt a little guilty at first and kinda lazy but then I realized that I never did that her whole first month of life, so it feels wonderful now!

Ok, back to breastfeeding. I think the benefits for Norah are great and in the end that is what I want for her, but it is very time consuming. Because of all of our traveling in the beginning and I got sick a couple of times I ended up pumping mostly. It was good for me at the time because we have such big families and I wanted to be able to visit with people and not be in a back room the whole time. It was what helped me not feel crazy. My emotions were all over the place, so I just needed to do what I needed to do to make myself be a better mom in the end for Norah.

Since that trip I have been on again off again with actual breastfeeding. I had some pain in the beginning, which ended up being a blocked milk duct and that got worked out through Norah feeding.

The biggest problem has been my milk supply being low. I have done lots of reading and talking to others about what to do about it. In some sense I just don't know if I will ever have enough for her. We have to use formula in the evening since I do not have enough for the whole day. It's been helpful to talk to other friends that have had the same struggle. It's just interesting how it comes so easy for some and not so easy for others. I would probably put myself somewhere in the middle I guess.

I am very thankful that Norah can go between nursing, bottles and pacifiers with no problems. I'm glad that I introduced the bottle to her earlier on because she is so flexible now. I know that's not always the case for some babies, but it worked with Norah.

So for now I am back to nursing for the most part. If I need to be gone during a feeding or out and about I have no problem giving her formula.... which is another topic in and of itself.

I think formula is fine and that is also something that I have found people having a lot of opinions on. I just feel bad for people that do struggle with nursing and are not able to do it or for single moms that use formula for the sake of sanity and convenience. As our friend who is a pediatrician reminded us, she was strictly formula feed and she is a doctor! Good enough!

Joshua has been really great throughout these last two months! That first month especially was rough. I questioned everything and cried often! He was always there to give me a hug and help think through everything logically, which I was unable to do most of the time! He has been so laid back about it, which helps me to be laid back. That is generally how we work together and I definitely need someone to balance out my obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

The other day Norah finished feeding and was laying on my lap all sprawled out and looked like she was drunk on milk, she opened her eyes and looked up at me then giggled!! It was great! I love those moments!

I think it's hard when you want to complain about things that are hard about being a mom because some people don't seem too fond of that, but it has nothing to do with how much I love Norah. I feel better when I get it out.

So in case you are curious or still reading, some of the things that have helped with the supply was drinking more water, taking an herb called fenugreek and having a beer. I'm not a huge fan of beer, but it was nice to have one because I wanted one so bad when I was pregnant. Every time I would smell beer I thought it was the greatest smelling thing ever! I have also been pumping for 15 minutes after she feeds, but I honestly do not know if that has helped me too much so far. I'm sticking with it, so we will see.

Well, thanks for enduring all of that. That was way longer than I ever planned.